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When we decide to get divorced, we often go to extremes to secure the best possible advice and counselling money can buy and then we take comfort in the perception that we are acting in the best interest of all involved. Family is after all, the most important thing in this world and we’ll stop at nothing to protect them. During this trying time, we strive to be compassionate by offering a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board or simply quiet companionship to our loved ones.
So while my family and I were diligently going through therapy sessions, consultations and all kinds of coaching, I realised how blissfully ignorant I was of the single most powerful antidote: JOY. Yes, even though we might be going through the most destructive conflict or utterly devastating roller-coaster ride of rejection, resentment or even revenge, there is one thing that we’ll always find in our daily lives: JOY!
We need to ask ourselves when last we listened, I mean really listened, to the happy singing of the birds at dawn? Have we stopped to watch the radiant colours of a new day breaking on the horizon in the past six months? Do we wake from the squealing laughter of our children, angry because they are disturbing our peace or delighted because they are cheerful little beings?
Do we still remember the songs and dances we improvised while helping our toddler get dressed, or are we hurried and irritated because we might be late again? Do we laugh ourselves silly because the shirt is on backward and looks really funny, or do we hastily pull it off and fix it without even considering giving our child the much-needed opportunity to try again and learn from the experience?
Perhaps we rush everybody through breakfast so that we can clean up in time before having to leave for school? What if we started ten minutes earlier and allowed the kids to help with preparations and experiment with a few new ideas? Wouldn’t that be fun? Wouldn’t that bring all of us joy?